


new day

by catmorgan



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Ethan's dumb and in love, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, M rating is just to be safe, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Touch-Starved, if that's a thing??, in-between rogue nation and fallout, sex references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catmorgan/pseuds/catmorgan
Summary: "When was the last time someone hugged you, Ethan?"





	new day

They're friends. Then they're more than friends.

They fit - a system of checks and balances: Ethan jumps and Benji catches him. So it's an easy transfer - sex is easy. Ethan might be disappointed by that if it wasn't so great. He misses the charge they had before, that working energy. 

Benji never suspected a thing. He babbled til Ethan had him pinned against the wall. Then Benji said, "That's how it's going to be, is it?"  
  
Now Benji's little smiles are sly and knowing. Like a fist in his rib-cage: Remember what we did last night?  
  
And Ethan remembers. All the time. Benji on his knees, Benji against the wall. Benji, that first night, asleep. Exhausted.  
  
Benji's his teammate, his friend. Benji's right to trust him. But he's naïve. Ethan could've killed him that first night, or any night.  
  
Thinking about it - Benji dead, Benji drowning, Benji screaming - is like a knock to the head. Like sinking.   
  
When Ethan wakes up before Benji, he doesn't leave until Benji starts grumbling and turns over. Then Ethan rolls out of bed and makes coffee. He's thinking breakfast - Benji's freezer is packed with pizza rolls, but that just won't cut it - when he hears Benji (cough, stumble, yawn) and he smiles.  
  
Benji's watching him. He's trying to say something - tapping his knee, breathing fast, blinking faster - and Ethan knows instinctively that this is it.  
  
He doesn't react. He sets Benji's cup on the table, brushes Benji's hair back and says, "Good morning."  
  
He's selfish. He wants this last morning, even if it makes Benji uncomfortable. He wants to act like he's surprised when Benji asks - implying, second-guessing, mumble-mumble - why, exactly, is Ethan still hanging around?  
  
"Morning." Benji smiles weakly. Maybe he'll feel guilty - let Ethan stay today - and it'll be a really good day, he'll make sure of it - he'll microwave the pizza rolls, watch Benji's dumb horror movies, anything. He'll prove that he can be a good friend and a good man. And he can give _really_ good head. Benji won't want anything - if he does, Ethan will learn to give it.  
  
"I think," Benji says, "that I - well, I - I sort of need to ask you something?"  
  
Benji isn't a coward. He's always honest. Ethan should've known better.  
  
"Oh, no. I recognise that look. I'm not blaming you for anything, Ethan. You can get that nonsense out of your head right now. But I'm asking...I mean...when was the last time someone touched you?"  
  
Ethan blanks. The first thing that comes to mind is the man in the subway tunnel punching his throat. "Touched me?"  
  
"With non-violent intentions. Or even non-sexually." Benji rubs his forehead, a clear signal that he's anxious. Ethan is making Benji anxious. "Do you know, we've never actually kissed?  
  
"Really?" Ethan says, aiming for shock.  
  
"Yeah," Benji says flatly. "I was starting to worry about it, actually - maybe you thought I had the plague or something, I didn't - but the point is..."  
  
"The point?"  
  
"Give me a second! The point is, Ethan - when was the last time someone just hugged you? Not in a, a sexy way."  
  
"Ilsa," Ethan says, carefully slow. "A few weeks ago. You were there."  
  
"I'm not saying this right. When was the last time you asked for it?"  
  
"Asked?"  
  
"Yes, Ethan. Asked for it. Said, please may I have a cuddle."  
  
"Since - Julia."  
  
"You haven't asked for a hug since...in five years?"  
  
"It felt wrong," Ethan says, "to ask for that, after - to ask anyone else - "  
  
"Christ, Ethan! It's not as though you're asking me for a kidney! Just get over here."  
  
That's an order. Ethan can follow orders. Most of the time.  
  
"And do what?"  
  
Ethan likes his orders to be specific. He may also be dragging this out slightly longer than necessary.  
  
Benji rolls his eyes, but says, "Hug me."  
  
"For how long?" Ethan says, but he's moving.  
  
"At least half a minute."  
  
"That's a big ask," Ethan says. But it's easy. He hugs Benji.  
  
It's too close, tight. Claustrophobic. Prickling. Despite his promise, Ethan's already started looking for an escape route. Then Benji starts humming and swaying and they stand together, humming and swaying, hugging.   
  
"I appreciate this," Ethan says.  
  
Benji laughs. "You needed a hug - "  
  
"I would've been fine. Really."  
  
He lasted longer than this before Julia.  
  
"Whatever you say, Ethan."  
  
He is fine. He can't expect Benji to understand that touch is a luxury, not a necessity. He learned this from Julia: touch can illuminate.

Now Benji wants to hug Ethan. 

Ethan feels dizzy. He could speed this up - grab Benji's ass - but he wants this.  
  
Benji sighs. "There. That's better, isn't it?"  
  
Ethan hates being treated like a child. He wants time to think, not this - reassurance, pity, whatever it is.  
  
Then Benji steps back. Ethan doesn't doesn't cling on, not exactly. But he grips Benji's shoulders and says, "Wait."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I'm not...I'm not good at asking."  
  
"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed." Benji rolls his eyes. "Ethan, you are good at many, many things. Not least climbing towers, jumping out of helicopters and kidnapping world leaders."  
  
"Don't forget my exceptional lung capacity."  
  
"How could I forget that?" Benji smiles and Ethan relaxes. Sex is easy. Sex is all about charm. Seduction, sex. Then: "I understand, you know. After Julia. How it might be - difficult. Asking."  
  
They could talk it out now - whatever it is - Benji and Ethan, Julia, Ethan and Julia. Is Benji jealous? Ethan could tell the truth. He could say, _Julia's alive._  
  
"But you _can_ ask me, Ethan. And if you ever, God forbid, don't want to have sex with me - irresistible as I am - "  
  
"You are," Ethan says. He's surprised by this easy honesty: flirting is a kind of lie, but he never can keep his hands off Benji.  
  
"Shut up. Charmer. I was trying to make a point."  
  
"That you're irresistible?" Ethan says. He sways into Benji's space - Benji's eyes flick lower. "Noted."  
  
"I was saying," Benji says (he just misses suave - Ethan _loves_ that), "if you ever want not to have sex, I'd be up for that, too. I mean, obviously I wouldn't be up for it - what? Stop looking at me like that. We were both thinking it!"  
  
"But you _said_ it."  
  
"Take this morning. I don't know about you, but I'm feeling hot and sweaty and - ah - tired. I think I'll take a cold shower - by myself - and then, maybe, I'll watch some TV..."  
  
"Sounds thrilling."  
  
"I don't know. With the right partner, it could be fun." Benji smiles. "We could cuddle on the sofa, have a glass of wine. Try not blowing anything up for half an hour. It's always more fun with a friend."  
  
"This hypothetical partner - are you looking for someone with any specific attributes?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. I was thinking...someone attractive with a sparkling intellect, skilled in exploding US terrorist cells."  
  
"That's very specific."  
  
"It is. By the way, have you got Ilsa's number?"  
  
Ethan blinks. "Why do you need it?"  
  
"She fits my partner criteria," Benji says, straight-faced. "Unless you'd care to nominate someone else for the job - "  
  
"I'd be delighted to enter into such an - exciting arrangement."  
  
"Perfect! Ethan Hunt, would you do me the great honour of not having sex with me?"  
  
"It'd be my pleasure," Ethan says. 


End file.
